


like we used to

by itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN (alex_marie1324)



Series: miserable 'verse [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Flashback, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Sad, Song Lyrics, Songfic, flashback-ish?, some backstory some forward story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:37:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14575140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_marie1324/pseuds/itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN
Summary: does he watch your favorite movies?does he hold you when you cry?does he let you tell him all your favorite parts,when you've seen it a million times?does he sing to all your music,while you dance to purple rain?does he do all these things,like i used to?





	like we used to

**Author's Note:**

> [song inspo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmE3kehEjSs)
> 
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> 
> originally posted on [my amino](http://aminoapps.com/p/0245tg)

_i can feel her breath,_  
_as she's sleeping next to me,_  
_sharing pillows and cold feet._

Michael was a blanket hog. Massively. Jeremy constantly found himself fighting his snoring boyfriend for a place in the bed, yanking on the blankets and pillows.

_Jeremy liked to put his cold feet on Michael’s warm legs as revenge. Michael would always squeak, push Jeremy away while they both laughed happily._

_she can feel my heart,_  
_fell asleep to its beat,_  
_under blankets and warm sheets._

On an ideal night, though, they fell asleep with one of their heads on the other’s chest, the soft thumping of their hearts syncing.

_if only i could be in that bed again._

Nothing about the actual bed had changed since Michael left, but it just wasn’t the same bed. It couldn’t be. It was colder, less inviting. Sure, Jeremy no longer had to fight for blankets and space, but he also no longer had someone to wrap his arms around or to wrap their arms around him as they slept.

_if only it were me instead of him._

Jeremy told himself he wouldn’t, but when he was really lonely he did wonder if Michael did the same thing to Rich. He wondered how Rich felt about it. If it felt the same.

 _does he watch your favorite movies?_  
_does he hold you when you cry?_  
_does he let you tell him all your favorite parts,_  
_when you've seen it a million times?_

Michael loved the stupidest movies ever. Cliche Hallmark and Lifetime dramas. Jeremy went along with it, though.

His favorite had to be The Fault In Our Stars. Jeremy lost track of how many times they’d watched it- he wondered if Netflix kept count of that, it would be interesting to know.

And despite seeing God knows how many times, Michael always cried at the end. Jeremy would just hold him, remind him it was fictional without being condescending.

 _does he sing to all your music,_  
_while you dance to purple rain?_

”Pleeeeease, Jer. You’re such a good singer. C’mon,” Michael pulled on his arm. “I’ll love you forever,” he said, in that same tone one might say ‘I’ll be your best friend’ to someone who was already their best friend. Jeremy sighed and fell for it anyway.

”Alright.”

Michael grinned, turning on his music. Jeremy started to sing and Michael looked like he’d just melted. He pulled Jeremy’s hands and started to move around the living room; Jeremy still singing as they danced.

 _does he do all these things,_  
_like i used to?_

Jeremy couldn’t help but wonder if it was the same with Rich. Or maybe it was completely different and Michael liked that. Overall, he just wondered if Michael was happy.

 _fourteen months and seven days ago,_  
_oh, i know you know,_  
_how we felt about that night._

They’d lost their virginities together. Jeremy couldn’t seem to get over that detail.

 _just your skin against the window,_  
_oh we took it slow._

Jeremy figured to some people there wasn’t a lot of significance in sex. For some people, it was just sex. But it weighed heavily on his mind that the first person he did it with was with someone else.

 _and we both know,_  
_it should have been me inside that car,_  
_it should have been me instead of him in the dark._

Michael’s first time with Rich was in a car. There was almost nothing traditionally romantic about any of it- nothing like with Jeremy, which was slow and fumble-y because they were two inexperienced teenage boys. With Rich, both of them had at least some experience and the backseat was the closest place.

 _does he watch your favorite movies?_  
_does he hold you when you cry?_  
_does he let you tell him all your favorite parts,_  
_when you've seen it a million times?_

Rich was a little more resistant to Michael’s movies, but Michael liked the fight. He liked pushing Rich to watch them with him, and slowly watching him get invested despite himself.

And when it came to the ends, they were usually both crying and laughing at themselves. Michael loved it.

 _does he sing to all your music,_  
_while you dance to purple rain?_

Richard Goranski, by his own firm declaration, did not sing. Absolutely refused.

”Riiiiichie,” Michael drew out the nickname, knowing just how to make his boyfriend weak.

”You can’t just pull out that nickname to make me give in,” Rich tried to stand firm, but it was obvious Michael was making an effect. Michael grinned.

”C’moooon, Richie,” Michael said, putting his arms around Rich’s neck. “For me?”

Rich sighed. “Turn on the music.”

 _does he do all these things,_  
_like i used to?_

A lot of the same things were very different with Rich. The main thing being that they both had had previous relationships and actually knew what they were doing when it came to romance and dating and weren’t stumbling through and learning it together. They felt like they fit together where they were, they’re hands interlocked effortlessly. Jeremy’s hands always shook when Michael would take them.

 _i know love,_  
_(i’m a sucker for that feeling),_  
_happens all the time, love._

Jeremy didn’t delete their pictures from his phone. He’d go through them when he needed... something. He always got mixed emotions, but overall catharsis. It helped him release and reminisce at the same time.

_(i always end up feeling cheated)_

Jeremy couldn’t help but feel like he’d been slighted by life. Given a best friend who was all too easy to fall for and then had him ripped out from under him.

 _you’re on my mind, love,_  
_(Oh darling, i know i’m not needed),_  
_it happens all the time, love, yeah._

Jeremy texted Michael all of one time since breaking up. He might’ve texted more had it not been for the response he got.

‘i keep thinking of you’

‘sorry’

_will he love you like i loved you?_  
_will he tell you every day?_

Rich was loving in a different way to Jeremy. Whereas Jeremy loved with words, Rich loved with actions. Jeremy would shower Michael in words of praise and love and affection while Rich would make sure he ate, slept, and wore a coat when it was cold. There was really no way to compare the two- he felt loved either way.

 _will he make you feel like you're invincible,_  
_with every word he'll say?_

And Rich could love with words when Michael needed it. On days when his anxiety would be worse than others, Rich was good at reassurance. Michael could snuggle into his shoulder and Rich would rub his back. He could melt.

 _can you promise me if this was right,_  
_don’t throw it all away?_

Despite everything, Jeremy sincerely hoped it worked out for Michael and Rich. If this was better for Michael, he really hoped it wasn’t wasted.

 _can you do all these things?_  
_will you do all these things,_  
_like we used to?_  
_oh, like we used to._


End file.
